lovedare

Jan 13

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Day 3 “Love is not selfish”

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.

Romans 12:10

love dare: Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”

I read this dare last night and had to give it some thought. So I came up with this; I would make her lunch again and buy her a gift card for Starbucks. I hand made a card with a bunny on the cover,cause I call her “bunny” and inside hearts cut out in red paper like a thought balloon from small to large as they go up, with “I was just thinking about you”. The card said on the left side, “I miss making you coffee” with the gift card attached inside and under the gift card, “I miss you” and “I love you”. this was in her lunch box with a home made lunch. I purchased a vegan recipe book the day before this love dare and all the lunches have been new to both of us. A butternut squash spaghetti and an apple and banana was yesterdays lunch. Today’s lunch was a lentil bean stew. I met her before work, this time i was 1 hour early and went bought her a pumpkin spice latte before she arrived, this is her seasonal favorite coffee. She was surprised to see me, she first noticed that I cut my shoulder length hair to just collar length, my old style, as when we first met. She said; you cut your hair?! I said yes, she ran her fingers through it and sent shivers through my spine. She said thanks for the coffee and lunch and yesterdays lunch was delicious, thank you. In further small talk, she said she still needed time. I gave her a deep hug under her arms, embracing as our hearts touched physically and a light kiss on the lips. She said she had to to go, this visit lasted all but 5 mins. 

I asked her if she could stop by the house and let the dog out cause I was working late tonight, she agreed. The house I cleaned all new years day and rearranged some pictures on the wall. Placed our wedding vase on the dresser with a picture of us above it and a small wooden sign under it, the sign we purchased on a bicycle trip in Prescott AZ, it says “What is a Friend? Two souls dwelling in a single body”. I placed a decorative rose on her pillow where she sleeps, arranged her end table with her books and recent anniversary cards with a love candle on them and one of her favorite inspirational picture hung above it. I placed a basket of plastic flowers near her side of the bed. I cleaned the bathroom, shower, bedroom and complete house and laundry, and have kept it this way since she left. The bed always made and only my side slept in. Kitchen spotless and living room clean. 

She did stop by and let the dog out and noticed the house, she even placed the rose on my side of the bed along with a love devotional book she bought me two Christmas’s ago that is titled “I will always love you” it contains bible scripture about love in a relationship. It was on my end table next to my bible I have been reading daily. I’m sure she noticed the daily devotional that is on the bathroom counter, which is the one I use daily and text her the daily verse every morning along with a prayer for the day, in addition to a night prayer before bed. I do this like we are physically together but are just like a long distance relationship with out communication. She text me good night and thank you.

I had called her around the time she might have arrived at the house and she answered, she said she thought the house looked nice and lunch was great. I said I had made her a plate to take home for dinner in the fridge too. In this brief conversation, she did say in response to me missing her that she missed me too. I said I will see you tomorrow morning with lunch. I also asked her if she would like to have dinner for her birthday in two days, if she didn’t have plans, she said she’ll get back to me on that one. We ended the call with me saying “I love you” and her saying “bye”.

Day 2 “Love is kind”

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

love dare; In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

This morning I made my wife lunch, I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks and she is working at another store starting this week. I knew she would be at the store just a few blocks from our home. I went there at 6AM and didn’t see her car, I thought, okay I’m wrong. I proceeded to go to her original store she works out of and to my surprise no car. I thought darn, I prayed and asked God to please have her be at the store just a mile from this store, nope. I called her and left a message on voice mail. I texted her the same. I said I made a fool of myself, because I wanted to drop off her lunch and went to her old store and walked inside and asked and no one knew what location she is at today. I called her back and she answered. She said I am near the house, i said I just came from there, she said she started at 7. Well before she answered I had called her boss and asked her, saying I was bring her lunch and didn’t know what store she was at, and her boss confirmed where she was and at what time. Well I got to speak with her for the first time in weeks and just said I wanted to do this, she said she didn’t know what to say. She said I don’t have any words to say to me, she didn’t want to talk and stated that I should call her when I arrived there. She meet me outside and i gave her her lunch and said how are you? she said fine and that she needed time. I said okay, and I gave her a hug and a light kiss.and left.

I called her after work and she answered, I expressed some feeling to her, about my errors in our relationship, how I’m not here to fix her problems but to help her when she asks for help and God is the one to fix us and i just want to love her and let God heal. I said I want to be the man she fell in love with and that I am still that guy as I cried.  I am  starting over, she just listened and said “i need time”, we ended the call with me saying I love you and her just good-bye.

Jan 12

The Love Dare

The Love Dare

Day 1 “Love is patient”

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

Today’s dare: communicate only positive words and say nothing negative.

I hadn’t heard from my wife or had any communication in 2 weeks straight, so while i was in church this Sunday morning, I thought i would do it, send her a text. I sent a text saying “I love you”. Now in the past this has always broken the ice or silence, with either a response or some sort of acknowledgement. Well not today, after church service I checked my phone and no answer. I had volunteered to service with the 4-5 yr old children during the next service. After church I sat in the car and sent another, this time a prayer, cause sometimes we couldn’t pray together so I would test a prayer, I said: I thank God for you and and how she is amazing and my pretty girl and princess and I have open arms for you, and for God to bless our marriage. No answer  again. 

The next text: A poem I wrote to her June 1, 2010. It was so special to both of us that we had it printed on our wedding invitations. I also sent a picture of “I love you” with a heart written in the sand on a beach shore. No answer.

The next text was a pic of her acheiving a “bucket list” to do. We ran Angles landing’s hike in Zion Utah, it was something she always wanted to do for years, she beat me to the top. The picture was her with a thumbs up next to the sign of Angles landing. I text with this pic,:my amazing wife you rock!”  No answer.

The next text a pic of us on the tandem bike in our wedding, with a text of “The best day of my life”. No answer.

The next text, a picture of me and her on my birthday, the 1st birthday I had with her, I put a bow and ribbon on her head and took the picture of us. The text said” bottom line: I’m so in love with you, a love unquenchable, with a burning desire to forever be by your side, every fiber of my being sings a song of love for you.” No answer

later that evening I text, Hello? how are you? may I speak with you? along with a pic of her that i just love. Another text saying “my girl, I love you and miss you very much. Along with another pic of us with a beam of light shining between our heads, like a ray of Gods present. No answer

the next two text were very mushy romantic stuff from the heart and to follow with a text of “good night” and a prayer. No answer

Jan 11

the love dare

after speaking with friends and a pastor, i explained as best as possible what went down. by the end of every explanation with anyone, i always start to cry and share how i miss my wife and love her more than anything in the world.

During conversations I kept hearing my friends say “tell her what you’re telling me, how you love her” and the subject of the movie “fire proof” came up. I had remembered that she bought me a Christmas gift the 1st Christmas together married, it was the Love Dare books, one for her and one for me. both were gold lettered with our names on them. I, at the time didn’t think much about them, cause we were happy together. we had both seen the movie together. I knew it was a sweet gift, but never thought I would ever have to resort to using the book, ever. Well today i broke out the book and committed to do the 40 days. It seems coincidental that our church is have an awesome marriage retreat in 41 days from this day and lands on February 14, valentines day. I knew God was leading me to make this commitment.

During this first two weeks of silence, I went through various staged of grief. i was sad, angry, bargaining, denial, acceptance and even a point where I wanted out too. But God I can’t deny, He kept pressing on me to engage in his Word and plug more in with my faith and serve in His name.

the break-up

3 days before Christmas, she moved out and i hadn’t heard a word or text from her in 2 weeks straight, her daughter said she was staying at a friends house

2nd anniversary

into our second year of marriage, we cycled, ran, worked out together, lifted weights, crossed trained, rock climb in and out doors, hiked, slack lined, camped, beach cruised, canyoneered and just had a great time living.

we went to a michael jackson show on the las vegas strip, total surprize for her as she wanted to see this for some time

1st anniversary

we spent our 1st anniversary doing a canyoneering hike in zion national park. a 5hr cold weather hike into a slot canyon with only one way down and out, including a spectacular 110ft rappel 

history of us

we met as friends, i was training this woman to improve her cycling skills and performance on the bike portion of a triathlon, we spent hours riding together for months. we shared common interest and cycling was one of our passions. we became close and trusted each other. we got engaged on 11-11-10 and i asked for one year to get married on 11-11-11